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25 March 2008

Mind-Invasion

I am still thinking of him. Despite what I do, I still have him on my mind. He's driving me crazy! XP
 
I want him beside me. I want to be with him. I want to hold him close.. 

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22 March 2008

Struggle

I am no longer content. Not just with some things in my life but in almost everything. Nothing seems to satisfy me. I am such a stupid to know what can satisfy me yet stay away from it. I'm miserable. I look for something else.. for someone.
 
My longing is getting stronger and I am becoming more impatient. I long for him so much that every day, almost every moment of the day, I think of him. But then, my reservations are coming into surface. Do I deserve him? Do I deserve his love? Does he feel the same? Will he be true? My pride is all that is left protecting me.
 
I have tried so much, struggled for long, to forget him but I just couldn't. I still want him, more than before. And I am afraid that he'll be taken away from me. But if it is for his own good and happiness, I will let go of my desire. I know it will hurt, again, but I want him to be happy... even if it means not having me in his life, even if it means not to be with him.
 
There is only one question left that I badly need to answer- Do I really love him?
 
I want to know if my love is true and pure. I want to know if I have truly loved him during the past 11 months. And what kind of love do I have for him?
 
I miss him so much. I miss his embrace, his presence, even his stories. I miss him. And I am now confused. 
 

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08 March 2008

I Need You

I smile, but I am not so happy. I'm not happy at all. I'm sad, I'm lonely, and I'm disappointed. I am miserable. It sucks.
 
I need you. I want you to be here.
I want you beside me, in front of me or behind me.
I just need you near me.
I feel weak, and maybe, with you around I'll be strong.
I need you, please stay. I need you, please be here.
I need you for the reason I cannot say,
but I do more than you ever know.
 
I need you so much.

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07 March 2008

Left Behind

I feel left behind. Not so abandoned, but quite unwanted. It sounds like self-pitying. And it sucks. I feel paralyzed, or better say immobilized, by my problems. The spirits surrounding me bind me with their soul-piercing needles. I am still whole yet I feel that some parts of me are missing.
 
What hurts more is the feeling that the one I love does not care anymore. How am I going to fight this battle alone? I cannot ask anyone to help me. It is so un-me to do so. Whenever a battle has to be fought, I seek the one I love. But right now, it feels like I am left to face this alone.
 
I wonder what lesson should I learn. Faith? I guess so. My situation is like my life hanging in the balance. It's an all or nothing. Where should I go? How do I get away from this?
 
Maybe I have to learn face every problem I have and forget running away, which I usually do. Oh please, help me. Deliver me and save.
 
 
 
Apart from you, I can do nothing. You are my hiding place.
 

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