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08 October 2007
My Vicodin
I still get hurt.
I still have chest pain.
But I still think of him.
And I still long for him.
Coz he is my very own Vicodin.
23:30
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07 October 2007
In Pain
I'm still grieving about what I have inside. I am losing control. I hate it. I really want to get my heart back. But as I read my latest journal entry here, I thought how selfish my decision was.
Yes, I am hurt and I am upset. I am not free to love anyone. I have no freedom to enter a relationship. I am stripped of all the confidence I could have. But I wonder, if I don't have these problems will I fight for my love and happiness? Will I tell him straight to his face that I love him? I doubt it. I have so much pride.
But then, loving him gives me lessons about how to live and handle things in life.
I love him and I want him to be happy. I want to love him the way God loves. And I pray I'd be able to meet that.
18:25
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